Changing Families

A family custom that has changed noticeably is the way weddings are organised in my extended family. When my parents married in the late 1980s, the wedding was essentially a community event. It lasted several days, involved hundreds of guests — relatives, neighbours, colleagues, practically the whole mahalla — and was held in the family courtyard, with food cooked by the women of the neighbourhood and plov prepared by the men in giant cauldrons. Decisions were made almost entirely by the elders, and the couple themselves had relatively little say. Over the past decade, much of this has changed. Weddings are now usually held in large commercial banquet halls, catered professionally, and they’re typically compressed into one main day. Interestingly, guest numbers haven’t really fallen, but the preparation is outsourced rather than shared. Couples also have far more influence over the style, the music and even the guest list. There are several reasons for these changes. Urbanisation means many families now live in apartments without courtyards; women, who used to spend weeks cooking, are now working full-time; and rising incomes, along with social media, have created pressure for more glamorous, photogenic events. In 2019 the government even introduced rules limiting wedding size and expenses, which reflects concern about the financial burden. My feelings are ambivalent. I welcome the fact that young couples have more choice and that women aren’t expected to do so much unpaid work. But I do feel something has been lost — the sense of a whole community building something together. Perhaps the challenge is to keep the spirit of collective celebration without the crushing expense.

Avval qanday edi → hozir qanday → sabablar (urbanizatsiya, ayollar bandligi, ijtimoiy tarmoq, qonun) → ambivalent his.